Meet Snake-Eyes in What is Apparently a Dark Alley

My response to the new stills of Snake-Eyes in Stephen Sommers' G.I. Joe?


Well, at least Snake-Eyes looks right. It's nice to see that filmmakers have realized that it's important to see costumed live-action characters in interesting lighting when introducing them to an existing fanbase. Remember those X-Men pics that everyone hated, with flat lighting, flat backgrounds, that made some eventually really sweet costumes look like utter crap?

Is THIS the face of Scott Pilgrim???

(Hmmmm...)

A few years ago, now, Edgar Wright attached himself to direct a feature film adaptation of Scott Pilgrim. This is, quite frankly, the most perfect filmmaker/comic book pairing in the history of such things. And as a matter of course, I will state matter-of-factly that Bryan Lee O'Malley's Canadian manga stands as one of the crowning achievements in comics to date, so I'm not a neutral party here.

Now, according the Hollywood Reporter, Juno's Michael Cera is in negotiations to star as the titular character.

(The greatest line of dialogue in comics history. Possibly the greatest page in comics history. Easily the greatest use of swearing in the history of the English language. For reals.)

Not sure I see it. He's talented, sure, but can he pull off the awkward, yet all-encompassing charm? Can he play bass, but not very well? And can he kick massive amounts of ass?

Looks like we have a "wait and see" on our hands, folks. I'm not sold yet, but if Edgar Wright can see it, then I'll give him the benefit of the doubt...

For now.

Anthony Minghella, I Mourn Thee with Mixed Feelings

Tragedy struck this week when Anthony Minghella, the Academy Award-Winning director of The English Patient, died at the age of 54. Too soon... Too soon...

With any remembrance, the tendency is to focus on all of the positive things about the person in question. Of course, I didn't actually know Anthony Minghella in any particular way aside from his movies. But even that was a rocky affair, with highs and lows, and I feel that any serious discourse on his passing should take the bad with the good. And Anthony Minghella was a lot of both, to me.

A minor SPOILER ALERT for each film discussed below.

TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY (1990)

(The DVD cover for Truly, Madly, Deeply - surely one of the worst DVD covers of all time. Try and guess what the hell is happening to Juliet Stevenson up there. Is she laughing? Did she just see a rat in her kitchen? Did she just spot Justin Timberlake? Damned if I know...)

I first met Anthony Minghella when I found a VHS copy of Truly, Madly, Deeply at the 99 cent store in Pasadena. I had heard of the film previously via my copy of "The Entertainment Weekly Guide to the Greatest Movies Ever Made," an indispensable volume that, though immediately dated (like all "Best of" books truly are), has never steered me wrong in over ten years. So, seeing little harm in spending 99 of my mother's cents I convinced her to purchase me the British weepy in question. My mother didn't bat an eye at my choice, as she knew me very well.

Though at the time relatively unfamiliar with the concept of genuine loss, I was nevertheless struck by the film's quiet, peaceful examination of the subject. Anthony Minghella walked me through the stages of grieving along with his protagonist, played by an immensely likable and plausibly attractive actress named Juliet Stevenson. The man she loved has just passed away, you see, but she can't move on. To cope, she imagines that he still looks out for her in all the little ways that the truly, madly, deeply in love do. He reminds her to brush her teeth the right way, and walk safely in the streets at night.

It's a tender dementia, both understandable and forgivable, but one day she finds out that she wasn't really crazy after all. He's waiting for her at her apartment, the same as always, and they resume their relationship. It's not as if nothing has happened. He tells her a bit about the afterlife, though always remaining vague, and occasionally has his living-impaired friends over to watch videos. The problem is that he can't ever seem to leave the apartment, and no one else ever discovers that he's back.

There's an reasonable interpretation that the entire thing is in Nina's head, but being fanciful as a rule I prefer to think otherwise. Nina discovers by continuing her relationship that perhaps she was wearing rose-colored glasses since his passing. Their love, while genuine and sweet, was not perfect and perhaps was not meant to last in the first place. By living as if he were still alive, she manages to move on with her life and eventually meet someone new... someone who perhaps isn't better, but at least equally sweet and perfect for her new outlook on life.

Her lover is played by Alan Rickman, in one of the few roles where he doesn't play either a villain or someone who at least acts as such. As far as I'm concerned, it's the greatest role the actor ever had. He is at turns charming and carelessly flawed, and to see his character for even the briefest of periods is to understand Nina's affection. To know see him over longer periods, however, we begin to understand him as an individual - as needy and imperfect as even the finest among us.

The film is understated to the point of being almost plain, but the effect is one of the most believable worlds captured in cinema from the last 30 years. It is, by far, my favorite Anthony Minghella film.

MR. WONDERFUL (1993)

(Matt Dillon in a movie I actually hate far more than Mr. Wonderful. That's damning with faint praise, though...)

But then, Minghella followed it with this. Trite Hollywood romantic mish-mash of the highest (read: lowest) order. Matt Dillon can't get a loan on a business because his alimony payments are bleeding him dry, so he tries to get his ex-wife married, and stat. It's one of those concepts that sounds cute on paper, but even the most casual of examinations reveals it to be a hollow premise for a film, and ultimately a rather mean-spirited one that depends on a protagonist trying to control a former loved one's life in a comparatively disgusting way. I haven't seen this movie since it came out, and frankly it left such a bad taste in my mouth - not just because of the plot, but because of the overall blase demeanor of the filmmaking as a whole - that I have no desire to ever see it again. Strike 1.

THE ENGLISH PATIENT (1996)

(The only scene anyone actually remembers from The English Patient, and that's only because of the parody from the Academy Awards.)

And I'll never understand this film's popularity. Actually, "popularity" should be viewed as a relative term here, because despite a surprise Oscar sweep, it never made much money or found too significant an audience. But this film always manages to polarize those viewers who do make the effort to watch it. Some are enraptured by it, but everyone else hates its ever-loving guts.

I'm in the latter camp, incidentally. There's quality work to be found here in individual scenes and performances, but none of them - none of them - are in any way involved with the A-plot, in which an army nurse cares for a wounded man with no name and a mysterious past. Of course, we discover his past throughout the course of the film, only to discover at the end (MAJOR SPOILER) that he left his one true love to die in a cave. Sure, he tried to get back there, at the cost of betraying his own country, but yeah, that's what we're left with.

Ouch, right? That would be a truly tragic ending if we felt a sense of urgency as he struggled to get back to her, but we don't. It's pretty unemotional stuff at that point. In fact, despite a few overly choreographed love scenes we never really feel the connection between these two people at the heart of The English Patient, resulting in a fairly painful experience made occasionally tolerable by supporting players Naveen Andrews (TV's Lost) and Willem Dafoe, in roles so engaging that you quickly begin to wonder why the movie wasn't about these characters instead. Tying everything together is Juliette Binoche in compassionate performance as a character with ultimately quite little to actually do.

Back when I worked at the website The Tuesday Night Movie Club, we would force the loser of the annual Oscar pool to watch and then review The English Patient as punishment. I never lost that particular pool, but never heard the end of it from the poor bastards who did. This is a painful film, both saccharine and heartless, and after Mr. Wonderful and this I had just about written off Anthony Minghella as a director.

THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY (1999)

(Remember the good times...)

Luckily for me, Minghella followed his Academy Award-winning opus with The Talented Mr. Ripley, an adaptation of the first in Patricia Highsmith's remarkable series of Ripley tales. Highsmith's Ripley is an impenetrable man who uses everyone around him in cunning, cruel and outright sociopathic ways to achieve whatever his ends are at a given time. It's captivating to watch him work, and the suspense frequently derives from hoping he gets caught, instead of the other way around.

Minghella, however, took the source material and made a film about why Tom Ripley does what it is that he does. In one of Matt Damon's very best performances, Ripley constantly finds himself sacrificing what he truly desires in order to fulfill what he thinks he wants. He manipulates and consumes lives for the illusion of happiness - to have others see him as successful and desirable - but sacrifices relationships with the people he truly cares about in order to do so. Frequently through murder. The great tragedy comes not from this dilemma, but in a fatal flaw in his very character. Ripley is too damaged and incomplete a person for anyone to truly like him for who he really is, whatever that means in his case. So the murder and con games, and the fleeting moments of vague satisfaction that they bring, are as happy as he will ever get.

This emphasis on character takes what would in most hands be a quick, pot-boilerish film noir to a running time of 2 hours and 39 minutes, but the plot is crisp enough and the suspense unbearable enough that it doesn't feel like your time has been wasted. It's a remarkable film that had me thinking that Minghella as a director is completely bi-polar, and only capable of making films that I love dearly or utterly despise.

As a side note, 2002 brought us another adaptation of one of Highsmith's Ripley novels, with John Malkovich taking over as the lead. Ripley's Game takes a less empathetic look at the character, but Malkovich's performance provides all of the nuance needed to find a human being inside the monster. It's one of the best films ever made that never saw theatrical release, and I recommend it with absolute confidence that you'll thank me for it.

COLD MOUNTAIN (2003)

(I couldn't find any pictures of the albino acrobat sharpshooter, but let's try to take this movie seriously anyway, all right?)

Minghella's last film (that I saw, at any rate), proved me wrong on that count. Cold Mountain is an over-long, melodramatic mess of a movie, and like The English Patient, the various asides and subplots are on the whole far more interesting than the love story they are supposed to support. Jude Law loves Nicole Kidman. Jude Law goes to war. The war is hell, and the initial battle sequence is one of the best scenes Minghella ever shot, so Jude Law leaves to walk home.

The problem is that home is apparently over 50 billion miles away, leading to a frustrating number of montages showing Jude walking, and walking, and walking while some amorphous singer drones over and over again, "I'm going to FI-ind my true LO-ove." Look, we get it, okay? But along the way, he encounters a large number of characters who - with generally only one or two scenes each - are fascinating and dramatic enough that you forget that, once again, you really don't care about Minghella's protagonists. Phillip Seymoure Hoffman, Giovanni Ribisi, Cillian Murphy and Jena Malone still come vividly to mind as I recall this film, and all in remarkably positive ways.

Less positive are Nicole Kidman and Butterfly McQueen's story, which we cut back to at regular intervals. At least, I think that was Butterfly McQueen. When she's in whiteface she sure looks a lot like Renee Zellweger, doesn't she? Zellweger's performance in a role clearly designed for a racial stereotype inexplicably won an Oscar that year. And for the record, I like Renee Zellweger, but man, Minghella was trapped in another period of storytelling at unusual interviews throughout this film. All of the female driven melodrama, complete with a far-too-broad for any modern movie villain, all feel like they were ripped directly from a D.W. Griffith film. And the villain's trusty albino crackshot acrobat sidekick? Where exactly does that come from?

My on-again, off-again relationship with Anthony Minghella probably stops here, with a mixed-bag of a film that alternates between the director's finest work and his worst, and while it certainly is a tragedy that he died far, far too young, it almost seems like an appropriate capper. Minghella gave me characters and films that both enlightened and infuriated me, frequently within moments of each other. While I prefer to remember the good times, in order to move on I need to also come to terms with the bad. Anthony Minghella taught me that, and I'm thankful for it.

WALLACE AND GROMIT: A Matter of Loaf and Death

Everyone with a heart in their chests has a soft spot for Wallace and Gromit. The animated duo have starred in a trio of classic shorts, and one classic feature film, bringing Aardman Animation's touching, understated and human sense of whimsy to appreciative audiences around the world. After the tragic fire that recently decimated Aardman's studio, along with most of their Wallace and Gromit models, I was worried that it might be some time before we saw more W&G, but...

Empire announced the following:

"Wallace and Gromit have a brand new bakery business, ‘Top Bun’. Their whole house has been converted into a granary with a ‘Wallace patent-pending’ old-fashioned windmill on the roof. Although business is booming, Gromit finds himself having to run the whole operation single-handedly as Wallace is ‘dough-eyed’ in love with the beautiful Piella Bakewell, former star of the Bake-O-Lite bread commercials.

But Gromit is not so enamored of Piella - her ‘woman’s touch’ at 62 West Wallaby Street puts the dog’s nose out of joint. What’s more, a dozen local bakers have disappeared in recent months and Gromit is worried that Wallace may be next. Gromit turns sleuth and the duo soon find themselves drawn into a sinister murder mystery - it’s ‘A Matter Of Loaf And Death’."

Okay, that's cute, but isn't that the same plot as A Close Shave? Wallace and Gromit have a new business, but Wallace gets distracted by a new, pretty clearly doomed lady love who is involved in committing crimes? Anyone? Anyone? The Holly-Smoot Tariff Act which, anyone? Anyone? Raised or lowered...?

Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends thoughts

So writing about Spectacular Spider-Man got me thinking about this classic series from the 1980s. In watching the old intro on Youtube, two things came to mind that always bugged me.

1. Peter's apartment weirds me out. Pulling on a football trophy causes supercomputers underneath Pete's couch to appear? How does Aunt May not notice this? Has she never dusted that trophy? And how long until she realizes that he nerdy nephew never played a game of football in his life? And how do the people living beneath them feel about having a super-computer on their ceiling every day, except on those rare instances when there's a couch instead?

2. Yellow is not Dr. Doom's color.

I'm famous (again and again)

To those who don't know:

I was recently interviewed for both Viral on Veoh and Jonathan London's Geekscape podcasts about Bus Pirates. On Geekscape, I also got to go all Tarantino-like and review some movies, comics and videogames. Here are the links, hope you enjoy them, blah blah...

VIRAL ON VEOH:

http://www.veoh.com/videos/v6234985a7Fk56je?searchId=2381827141820972017&rank=6

GEEKSCAPE:

http://www.pod.geekscape.net/Geekscape065.m4v - Right click and Download and watch it in Video!!

http://www.pod.geekscape.net/Geekscape065.mp3 - Right click and Download the magic in Audio!!

http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=211000351 - Click for iTunes video and all the action!!

http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=212023196 - Click for some iTunes audio, baby!!

Da Fug? Spectacular Spider-Man is good?!

Well, I didn't see this one coming...

If you haven't checked out Spectacular Spider-Man on "Kids WB" (and I really hate writing that), then you should. It looks like Marvel finally has a decent animated series to their credit.

And before you argue, shut up. Have you actually tried watching X-Men: The Animated Series or the 1990's Fox Spider-Man series lately? I too have rose-colored glasses hiding in a drawer somewhere that I used to put on when talking about these shows, then I actually tried watching a few episodes. The writing was "eh" at best - good for Saturday morning, pale in comparison to the Bruce Timm-iverse. And the character models were so heavily detailed that the actual animation quality suffered as a result. Way too hard to make those characters move when each one always has to look "just so."

Spectacular, on the other hand, is shaping up quite nicely after a slightly rocky start. The art style is slightly mangafied. In fact, I'd venture far enough to say that the creators are probably big "Scott Pilgrim" fans judging from the character models. The result is a fluid, youthful feel that's very inviting once you get used to it.

From a story perspective, they're actually creating a very cohesive universe between episodes. Character arcs continue as the show progresses, and they're dovetailing a lot of characters' origins into plausible narratives that are faithful to the comics without being beholden to them. Granted, a few of the costumes leave a little to be desired. Electro in particular is something of a disappointment, but each villain also has a fair amount of pathos to them, keeping the show from being a "villain of the week" series and instead creating done-in-one plots with people you actually care about.

That said, it's a little annoying that villains keep "naming themselves" after something someone called them off-handedly only once. I wouldn't have noticed if it didn't happen twice in only three episodes.

Still, a list of things I appreciate:

1. Surprisingly infectious new Spider-Man theme song. Weird the first time you hear it, but it genuinely grows on you.

2. Gwen Stacy is one of the main characters. Apparently Mary Jane is showing up later, but the show's creators decided to use Gwen even though she hasn't been a series regular in any major Spidey series in years/decades.

3. The series really shows Spider-Man screwing up Peter Parker's life. The old series had Peter being late for dates and such, but in this one there are consequences. Peter has a curfew as a result of Spider-Man related activities, and so frequently has to call Aunt May in the middle of fighting for his life. Peter keeps trying to get pictures of Spider-Man to sell to the Bugle, but they always suck for one reason or another (blurry, or a window reflects the flash making it unusable, etc.) And the one time he does get a good picture, his byline proves that he was out taking pictures when he should have been helping as Peter Parker, making him lose his job. This is good stuff, people.

4. Armpit webs. Haven't seen 'em in action before, to the best of my knowledge. My roommate didn't even know Spider-Man suppose to have those.

And some flaws:

1. The naming thing is a little lame, as discussed above.

2. Every episode ends with an establishing shot, in which a spider web is super-imposed over the sky. Retro, but distractingly so.

3. Making all of the origins cohesive leads to some distracting coincidences. Two monsters in two weeks, both stemming from Doctor Connors' lab? Might be time to pack up shop, Doc. That place is cursed.

Still, even these problems are all a result of over-thinking rather than under-thinking. It is weird that people would name themselves something villainous, so they try to explain it away. And it's almost more of a coincidence if all of these failed scientific experiments are completely UNconnected, so I'll let that slide too. And at least the spider-horizon is a cute idea in theory.

Once again, however, I have to say that this is officially a TV show worth watching for Spider-fans and casual viewers alike, and I went in thoroughly expecting to hate its ever-loving guts too.

Go Spidey, Go!

WE ARE HAVING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES... PLEASE STAND BY!

Stay tuned for more comics reviews and unrequested opinions very soon!

Comics Reviews: Week of 11-07-07

In what I intend to be an ongoing series, here are my comics reviews for titles that shipped on November 7th, 2007, in alphabetical order.

A few notes going in:

A) I only review comics that I either buy or read in their entirety. Since it's coming out of my own pocket, this means that I'm really only reviewing comics that I'm interested in. If I seem to have a general tendency towards positive reviews, then that's why. I'd review a lot more books, good, bad and in between, if I had the money to spend on them.

B) I'm not reviewing every single comic I buy. I'll try to stick to notable titles or issues that I take issue with.

C) I'm also going to try to keep these reviews short. I know, I know, it's going to be an uphill battle. But I swear I'm going to try.


ASTONISHING X-MEN #23 (Marvel)
Writer: Joss Whedon
Penciller: John Cassaday

Whedon's and Cassaday's run on X-Men ranks among Claremont's and Morrison's as my favorite runs on any x-related title, but the sporadic shipping schedule has indeed hurt the book. Joss Whedon - possibly my favorite writer, period - has crafted a series of memorable tales with spot-on characterization and a number of surprises, but his organic pacing suffers a bit when you don't clearly remember what happened last because it's been so long since you read the last issue. I guarantee you, however, that this thing will read like gangbusters in trade.

In this issue, the Breakworld saga continues, Cyclops gets to kick ass (which, let's be honest, he's hardly ever done outside of this series), and Whedon recycles a plot device from Season 7 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Normally that's something that I would complain about, except that it's such a good idea that he actually tricked me with it both times. As always, Cassaday proves that he's probably the best damned artist in the business today, and probably one of the best ever.

B+


THE EXTERMINATORS #23 (DC/Vertigo)
Writer: Simon Oliver
Penciller: Darick Robertson

Some critics make a big deal about whichever comic is at the top of their pile each week - the one book that they just can't wait to read. Me, I make a big deal about what I keep at the bottom of my pile. That's the book that I'm confident will make every other thing in my buy pile look bad if I don't save it for last. And every time it comes out, that book is The Exterminators.

If you haven't been reading it, issue #23 is not the issue to start. Actually, The Exterminators is one of those books that really need to be read from the first issue to be fully appreciated. The manner in which Oliver and his team of artists has taken a seemingly slice-of-disgusting-life series and turned it into an apocalyptic tale of survival is nothing short of a marvel.

In this issue, the battle continues, having officially begun a few issues prior. It's the Bug-Be-Gone boys versus an army of Mayan Hissers (giant cockroaches) and their messianic resurrected human leader. The most action-packed issue of the week is from Vertigo. You don't get to say that very often. Classic stuff.

A

FREDDY VS. JASON VS. ASH #1 of 6 (DC/Wildstorm)
Writers: Jeff Katz and James Anthony Kuhoric
Art: Jason Craig

Based off the unused screenplay for the film everyone on the planet (who counts) wants to see, this mini-series brings us the long-awaited face-off between Ashley J. Williams, Jason Voorhees and Frederick Krueger. It just doesn't bring it to us in the first issue. Sigh...

Playing like a direct sequel to Freddy Vs. Jason, the story opens with the two surviving cast members from that film returning to Crystal Lake because, as Ash himself admits, they're idiots. We're then introduced to the new status quo. Jason continues to haunt Camp Crystal Lake, but he's haunted in turn by the decapitated head of Freddy Krueger who torments him with some pretty horrific visions. Freddy himself posits a solution - Jason needs to acquire a copy of the Necronomicon to free both unstoppable monsters from their torment. On the last page, Ash (who has been narrating this whole time) shows up. Presumably, he's going to have something to say about this Necronomicon business.

I'm cutting this issue a little slack. Normally, decompression is a frustrating storytelling style in comics (I'm looking at you, House of M), but given that this series is supposedly based pretty closely off of a screenplay it makes a certain degree of sense that this is the structure we're getting. Aside from the a-little-overused voice-over, this issue plays like the beginning to what might be a very fun movie. I just hope that they get to actual "versus" part of the title soon.

B


GROO: HELL ON EARTH #1 of 4 (Dark Horse)
Writers: Sergio Aragones and Mark Evanier
Art: Sergio Aragones

Groo is back! This is a good day for people of the world everywhere who know how to A) read, and B) find a comic book store. In this latest mini-series, Groo finds himself in the Kingdom of Uslip, currently suffering from two princes arguing over who deserves to reign. Prince Buco, who has managed to actually become king, spends all of his energy on building weaponry, even though there aren't any wars at the moment. Prince Guco spends his energy bitching about not being king, and warning the people about the effect all of the new factories are having on the environment.

The people listen to Guco enough to be dissatisfied, but not enough to change their lifestyles. Meanwhile, neighboring kingdoms hear that Uslip is building weapons, so they start building weapons too. Everyone is preparing for war, but no one knows why.

If those metaphors are pretty on-the-nose for you, that's because they are. But the delight of Groo is the way Aragones and Evanier manage to tackle topical issues head-on without ever feeling like, oh, I don't know... Crash. It's deft and it's funny, albeit in a smile-to-yourself constantly manner more than a laugh-out-loud one. And Aragones art is pleasantly cartoony whilst at the same time being insanely detailed. The spread on pages 2 and 3 holds up just as well as some of Hitch's crazier issues of The Ultimates, and that's not something that can be said lightly.

Oh yeah, Groo is in this issue too. He hasn't killed too many people yet, but the mini-series is still young.

A


HOWARD THE DUCK #2 of 4 (Marvel)
Writer: Ty Templeton
Penciller: Juan Bobillo

Someone asked me recently why anyone gives a damn about Howard the Duck when the Marvel Universe has Spider-Man, the Avengers and X-Men vying for our attentions too. The reason is simple: In the Marvel Universe, filled with iconic heroes, villains and anti-heroes, gigantic space battles and Civil Wars, the only voice of reason is a anthropomorphized talking duck. That's how insane the Marvel U is these days (and, if you think about it, always has been).

This latest mini-series got off to an entertaining start, but as of the second issue I'm a little concerned. The writing is spot-on and Juan Bobillo cements his position as one of the best unsung artists in the biz, but with all of the craziness going on in the world - both real and fictional - it seems somewhat anti-climactic to use a Howard the Duck book to comment on fame and viral videos. Still, it's not fair to judge the book based on something it's not trying to be, but it does lose points for - at the moment - being more-or-less completely disposable.

B


THE NEW AVENGERS: ILLUMINATI #5 of 5 (Marvel)
Writers: Brian Michael Bendis and Brian Reed
Penciller: Jim Cheung

So after four issues of showing how the Illuminati dealt with previous major Marvel events, we get an issue setting up the next Marvel event. And it's pretty good. After Spider-Woman brings the Skrully corpse of Elektra to Tony Stark (which isn't very well explained in the issue itself, so it helps if you've been reading New Avengers), he gathers the Illuminati to discuss the ramifications, and to determine if Earth is truly at war... and possibly already conquered.

Then *SPOILER* Black Bolt talks without destroying the planet. Apparently, he's been a Skrull since shortly after the Kree/Skrull War. Didn't he use his vocal powers between then? I might need to read Paul Jenkins' Inhumans mini-series and Silent War again, but hasn't he? And speaking of Silent War, does this mean that the Skrulls want Maximus the Mad in control of the Inhumans? How could that possibly help anyone's cause, besides Maximus of course?

Decent questions. Marvel has a history lately of asking decent questions, then failing to give us interesting answers. Civil War and M-Day never satisfactorily dealt with most of the ramifications of their events, at least across the line (a few series did a decent job, but they were exceptions, not the rule). So we'll see where this goes. Still, that's the future. This issue? Bang-up job by everyone involved. Great writing (it's nice to see Tony Stark openly doubting himself for a change, and basically echoing everything Luke Cage has been saying since Civil War ended), excellent pencils. If Secret Invasion fails to impress, this issue of Illuminati might suffer in hindsight, but as it stands:

B+


SUPER-VILLAIN TEAM-UP: MODOK'S ELEVEN #5 of 5 (Marvel)
Writer: Fred Van Lente
Penciller: Francis Portela

One of the shinier gems of the year ends on a high note - full of unexpected twists and turns, yet never hard to follow. Excellent characterization, quality art. If you missed this series, you'd better get the trade. I mean it. I now realize that I don't have much else to say here besides a general praise for everyone involved with this series. As usual, one of Marvel's ancillary titles has again outshined most of their flagship best-sellers.

Series Rating: A


WELCOME TO TRANQUILITY: ARMAGEDDON #1 (of 1) (DC/Wildstorm)
Writer: Christos Gage
Pencillers: Neil Googe & Horacio Domingues

Confession time. Aside from the aborted runs on The Authority and WildC.A.T.S., the only two Wildstorm titles I've been reading are Stormwatch P.H.D. (now passed) and Welcome to Tranquility. So when the writer of Stormwatch pens an issue of Tranquility, I'm in, but skeptical. Original characters are increasingly sacred these days, with only Brian Michael Bendis attempting to tell stories with new characters once their originator is done with them. Frequently, this is because writing characters using their popularized voices if very difficult. Would you want to write a Y: The Last Man issue, knowing that you're just going to be compared to Brian K. Vaughan?

Well, Christos Gage steps up to the plate and knocks Tranquility out of the park. This issue feels almost exactly like an issue of the regular series. It's a bit more dense than usual (that's Gage for you), but the characterizations are spot on and fit comfortably into the word Gail Simone originally created. No easy task, particularly for a writer as talented as Simone.

In this issue, Maximum Man - the elderly hero who turns into a young Greek God at will, and at the start of the issue is enjoying it immensely with all of the young women in town - gets sent to the near future, where a sudden attack from all super-villains past, present, and possibly future has left all of the world, with the exception of Tranquility, in ruins. Maximum Man does what he can to help the world, although an interesting conversation with Acolyte raises some doubt. Isn't the world supposed to end someday? Who are we to prevent it?

The rub comes at the end of the issue, which almost makes it a disposable Elseworlds title (Superman kills Lois Lane? It's okay, it's just Elseworlds!), although given that the issue advertises that we should read Wetworks: Armageddon next, I guess it's an Elseworld destined to pass, although the story we just read might have almost no relevance to it except as a teaser. If this issue does contribute to the story later on, I'll be very pleased, but given the uncertain possibility that it won't...

B


Y: THE LAST MAN #59 (of 60) (DC/Vertigo)
Writer: Brian K. Vaughan
Penciller: Pia Guerra

All good things come to an end. It's been argued, however, that the good things in Y: The Last Man actually came to an end 5 or 6 issues ago. It's true that this series lost a bit of much-needed steam after the revelation of why all the mammals in the world with a Y-chromosome died (an explanation which, as of this issue, is in still in dispute in the comic itself), but there are some surprises to be found. Namely, the ending of the last issue, which managed to shock the hell of out everyone I know who has been reading the book.

The follow-up, however, is a little anti-climactic, making a key character's death seem a little less significant than it probably should have been. Add to that the unexpected revelation of why Alter has been so obsessed with finding Yorick Brown all these years, which I think a lot of people forgot was even in question (if you think about it, it was never really even set up as a mystery... maybe this issue would have been more effective if it was). It was interesting, but lacked the dramatic heft that would really have helped the series truck to its finale. It does make a certain degree of sense, and deftly ties into an earlier (seemingly stand-alone) storyline, but for what looks to be the last big revelation of the series... it lacks "oomph."

Still, Y: The Last Man remains a quality series, even if the last 6-7 issues play more like an extended denouement rather than a climax. Maybe Vaughan can pull this all together in the last issue to really make the ending sing. If anyone can, it's definitely him.

C+

(Note: No DC U books this week. Weird...)

Film Theory 1.02

Cellular phones have killed movies.

Not in the way you think, either. Sure, we all hate those complete assholes who neglect to turn off their phones in the theater, so that halfway through a movie you might very well be enjoying, you have that annoying "DUN-nuh-nuh-nuh-DUN-nuh-nuh-nuh-DUH-nuh-nuh-nuh-NUH" noise coming out of nowhere. (And yes, I have occasionally been that asshole - but it was an accident, I swear.) I'm actually making the argument that the invention of cellular phones has had a massive, and largely negative, impact on the films themselves.

No really, think about it. The popularity of cellular phones in real life makes it outright implausible that any character in a movie wouldn't have one. As a result, they have the instantaneous ability to call anyone for any reason. Trapped by zombies? Call someone. Susan's husband is a murderer? Call her. "Hey Susan, you're husband's the murderer." "Oh, thanks!" Cellular phones would be the answer to practically every suspenseful problem ever created... and so they must be stopped at all costs.

Screenwriters are constantly forced to work around this frustrating device with the following lines of dialogue. Try to remember how many times you've heard them!

"Damn, I can't get a signal!"

"My battery's run out."

"They shot my phone!"

Every single time you hear one of these buzz-phrases, or variations thereof, think about the scene you're watching. If the character's cellular phone worked, would the suspense be dead? Would the movie, in fact, be over? Overwhelming odds point to yes.

I was doing some research on the original series of Star Trek recently, and I discovered an interesting factoid about the Starfleet communicators they invented for the show. Apparently, Gene Roddenberry created them specifically so they could break down or lose their signal, because he knew that otherwise, Kirk could just call for backup at any given time and that would be the end of the episode. Cell phones were a problem for screenwriters before they were even invented! (Another interesting tidbit is that the original Starfleet communicators were flip-phones, exactly like most cellular phones on the market today. Coincidence? Geeks working for Nokia? Or just prescient sci-fi? You decide.)


Very few movies or television shows actually embrace the possibilities of cellular phones to further their plotting, rather than work around them because they're a hindrance. 24 would be a very difficult show to write if Jack couldn't call Chloe at the drop of a hat to relay information, or receive blueprints of whatever abandoned warehouse he's breaking into this week. I'd very much like to see a season of the show in which Jack doesn't have his phone, and is constantly forced to borrow quarters in order to check in with CTU.

Another favorite of mine is the film Cellular, an already forgotten genre film in which Kim Basinger plays a kidnapping victim who calls Chris Evans at random, and needs to keep him on the phone throughout the entire film in order to save her family. Cellular actually uses cellular phones in varied and interesting ways from a storytelling perspective. Signals get crossed, so Chris has to steal someone's phone. His battery is dying, so he needs to steal a charger at gunpoint. He needs to stay silent because the kidnappers are in the room, so someone drives up next to him blaring their car stereo. Clever stuff. The film is basically a one-trick pony, but it's clever enough to keep finding new ways to milk its conceit for the full running time.

One of my screenwriting professors in college used to talk about popular movie cliches. For example, the shot of a character at a bus stop, about to leave town. The bus pulls up between the camera and the character, then pulls away, and he's still there. Yeah, it's a cliche, and yeah, we've seen it a hundred times. But as my professor said, "We keep using it because no one's thought of a better way to do the scene."

I know you writers are on strike, and I support you wholeheartedly. I just want to point out that you now have plenty of time to discover a better way to incorporate cell phones into your narrative, rather than find excuses to pretend like they don't exist. If someone ever figures out a way to ensure that cell phones always have a decent signal, it could mean the end of scripted entertainment as we know it (or they might decide to make every new film a period piece).

(Strange but true: Film actress Hedy Lamarr actually co-developed the wireless communications patent that eventually led to the invention of the cell phone. That's Hedy...)

Hollywood? I'm just going to make this clear: I swear that if I hear the line, "I can't get a signal" one... more... time...

I'm going to know that you got lazy.

(See this? This is you.)